"Listen to your Doctor!"

I've never posted this kind of email junk, especially as they are nearly impossible to attribute to a source. But I thought this one was funny enough. Thanks goes to my father in law for sending it to me (Many blue moons ago. Finally catching up on email...again!!!).

Listen to your Doctor!

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life.  Is this true? A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise.  Everything wear out eventually..  Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster.  Want to live longer?  Take nap.   

Q: How  can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.  If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc. 

Q: What  are some of  the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can't think of single one, sorry.  My philosophy is: No pain...good!

Q:  Aren't fried foods bad for you?  A:  YOU NO LISTEN!  Food are fried these day in vegetable oil.  In fact, they permeated by it.  How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?  

Q:  Will  sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not!  When you exercise muscle, it get bigger.  You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.   

Q:  Is chocolate bad for me?  A:  Are you crazy?!?  HEL-LO-O!!  Cocoa bean!  Another vegetable!  It best feel-good food around!

Q:  Is swimming good for your figure?  A:  If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me.. 

 Q:  Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?  A:  Hey!  'Round' is shape!  

remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - a burrito in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"  

AND.....

For  those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.  It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
  
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.    

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.