Saturday, July 27, 2013

Things You Might Quickly Learn Upon Entering Parenthood

For some reason he kept feeling the need to stick his face into the couch, worrying this mother that he was going to suffocate himself.   On another note, just look at that hair in back. 

Since becoming a parent, everyday has felt like a crash course in parenthood.  So many things to learn, so many things to freak out about, and so many things to experience.  Here are just a handful of those things...

1.  If you have a boy, chances are he might pee on his face, or even into his ear.  Half of you is mortified, the other half is just laughing hysterically.
2.  When people say newborns can dirty a lot of diapers, they weren't lying.  If only they had given me the minute to minute breakdown I might not have been so surprised he could dirty four within an hours time period.  Make life easier and just pretend you got those diapers for free so you don't see the money rolling right out the window.
3.  Watch out when your baby pulls off your nipple, you might be spraying him in the face.
4.  Sure they tell you your baby will start pooing yellow and that it's a good thing but what they forget to tell you is that the babies poo could also be orange.  Chances are you are freaking out for nothing.
5.  Beware when you Google anything poo related.  Plenty of people have taken pictures of their babies poo for people like you and me to view.  It's not pretty and certainly not wanted.
6.  How did I not know babies have soft spots on the top of their head.  Thanks Google (seriously my best friend and lifeline) for help on this matter.  Because of you, I wasn't freaking out for an extended period of time and/or embarrassing myself by calling the doctors.
7.  Any previous insomnia issues automatically become cured.  Your body finally realizes how precious a commodity sleep is.
8.  Babies do really weird things (see picture above).  This is actually good because it would be hard to survive these first few months without so much laughter.  Just remember that one day you will have to stop laughing at your kid, even if they continue to do weird and absurd things.
9.  Gas is serious business.
10.  Breastfeeding gives you the perfect excuse to watch TV guilt free.  Take advantage.