Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Random Thoughts Just Spew From My Brain Sometimes

Yesterday I randomly wanted to make something. So I decided that I would try and make these chocolate chip cookies I got the recipe for once. They were a bit of a complicated recipe because the consistency and the cook time was suppose to allow them to be super soft. Taking cookies out of the oven before they are done scares me though. But they came out looking like cookies but by the time I made them I did not want to eat them.

That's another problem of mine.
I like to cook sometimes but I don't like to eat what I cook. Not because its not good because according to others my cooking isn't too bad. I think it mainly has to do with the food not being up to my expectations, plus by the time I finish cooking I don't want to eat.

Anyways my mom and Jon tried one and said they were pretty good. Finally at 11 last night I tried one. Not bad if I may say so myself. I took a complicated recipe, changed it some, and they still turned out. Now I just have a bunch of cookies I can't eat so hopefully my family eats them. I cant eat them all because the amount of sugar I partake of has significantly decreased. And in addition to the cookies, I went after work to find the new skittles that have two flavors in one, because I just had to try them. They are sooo good but now I have cookies and skittles to deal with. Eating the skittles sparingly and making others eat the cookies seems to be the key to my problems so does anybody want some cookies? Its nice to not want so much sugar now.

Can't you just sense the crazy good flavor
they have? I think I'll eat a few right now.

Another thing that has been on my mind is about patience, charity, family, and happiness. This has been on my mind more multiple reasons. First I have days were I get completely depresses for a while. I feel alone, I don't want to do anything by myself to try and make myself feel better, nor do I want to talk about it. I have been more sensitive to those moods since I have been home from college and they really bother me and concern me. Usually I am somewhat tired and something slight triggers me into the downward spiral. Luckily they don't often last more than a day. The second thing is that I have been able to watch and experience how my family and my situations differ from those of other people a lot in the last half year. Finally I have noticed my general lack of patience with many things in life.

I am struggling writing this because I want to give examples and stories to illustrate how I feel but I know that there is a point where my privacy and more importantly others privacy is more important than illustrating a point. So without giving you any specifics just trust me on the above.

The reason I bring up the family situation is probably with my general lack of patience and sometimes lack of understanding towards others, even when I know I have no right to feel that way. I hate feeling impatience, unkind, annoyed, depressed. I am constantly trying to figure out ways not to be, how to get out of the moods quicker, and how to be more patient. But the only solution I have come to yet is that I simply need to continue to find ways to partake of the gospel. I need to read my scriptures more. Pray more. Seek help from the Lord to strengthen me and empower me so that I may get past my weaknesses. I need to better myself that I may feel worthy to ask for the gift of Charity that I may be more patient, more loving, more kind. And along with all that I need to make lifestyle changes, small as they may be. I need to be open to what the Lord tells me I need to change to fix. I need to be more active towards the gospel as it is the only solution I have yet to find. And I know for a fact it will help me if I but gain a strong and unwavering faith in the gospel, in my Lord Jesus Christ, and in my Heavenly Father. And if I but turn to him in my times of weakness instead of trying to handle it on my own and turning to him afterward.

Finally I feel like I either need to make some drastic change in my life or be open to some drastic change. I have not figured it out yet. I do know that I have time so I do not need to rush to figure this out. But I do need to make sure I take the opportunity to ponder, pray, and fast, and not just forget about it. Otherwise life will just float past me. On the other hand, time will only tell what happens in my life I guess.

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